My relationship with money has always been complicated. Growing up, I didn’t realize we had less than others until I started school. I remember being teased for wearing the same pair of shoes all school year. At the time, I didn’t think much of it. I liked those shoes and I didn’t know any different. But somewhere along the way, I began to have the delusion that what you have, determines how you are treated.

That belief took root and grew. I assumed people with money were happy, and I started chasing that idea. Almost every decision I made seemed tied to an underlying fear of not having enough and a desire for more. If I was rejected or treated poorly, I had this subconscious thought that if I had more money, that wouldn’t have happened. It was a bias I carried. You convince yourself that your setbacks are tied to a single reason, and that belief follows you everywhere, whether it’s true or not.

One moment stands out of when that mindset began to change. I was training Charlie Matthau, the son of Walter Matthau, in his beautiful home in the Pacific Palisades in California. His maid welcomed me at the door, and soon Charlie appeared. Joyous with a glass of red wine in hand. After the cheek-kiss greetings, we headed to his gym. As he laid snuggly on the bench to do chest press, I kneeled down behind his head to spot him. “Charlie, have you ever had to worry about money?”

The question caught him off guard—he seemed bewildered, as though it had never even crossed his mind. And maybe it hadn’t.

But, as I got to know him more, I realized that, while Charlie didn’t worry about money, he had plenty of other worries. Money didn’t make him immune to life’s challenges. He had stress, worry, heartache, and missed opportunities like everyone else. It was a powerful lesson: money solves some problems but not all, and it certainly doesn’t guarantee happiness.

Over the years, I’ve experienced a wide range of financial situations, and one truth has become clear: true happiness lies in valuing and appreciating what you already have. I wish I had understood that as a kid. I wish I’d had the confidence to proudly wear those shoes all year, starting my own trend!

Now, I look at the storage unit full of things I don’t use and the closet overflowing with clothes I barely wear. I realize how much I had back then as a child. I had way more than I realized. And, I realize how much I already have now.

This year, I set a goal: buy less, appreciate more. And I achieved a big milestone. On Black Friday and Cyber Monday, I didn’t buy a single thing. It felt freeing, like a 100% discount on peace of mind.

I’m not saying I don’t enjoy nice things or giving generously. I definitely do. But I want a healthier relationship with money, one rooted in gratitude and intention. That’s why I was drawn to this book at the book store the other day, The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel. In the first chapter, a quote stood out to me: “Your personal experiences with money make up maybe 0.00000001% of what’s happened in the world, but maybe 80% of how you think the world works.”

That hit me hard. It reminded me that my beliefs about money are shaped by my own limited experiences but aren’t the full picture. This journey isn’t just about understanding money. It’s also about understanding myself. It’s about redefining what abundance means. Focusing on a life rooted in gratitude and contentment. And that, to me, feels like true wealth, true freedom.