Today, I am deeply thankful for the progress I am making in both learning how to give and receive love. I realize this may sound strange, but growing up in an extremely controlled environment made every interaction seem like a transaction. The church I was raised in provided me with numerous cherished memories with family and friends, and I do not wish to bash it. I gained a lot from my experiences there. However, my belief system was rigidly based on rules, only. I wish to explain how this belief system greatly impacted my life. If you adhered to rules, God favored you; if you deviated, you were subjected to guilt, shame, and likely exclusion.

Everything was centered around these guidelines. Honestly, I don’t even recall love being mentioned, except in a conditional sense. As a child or teenager, you learn to comply with these rules to be accepted and loved. Your own needs become invisible, and expressing them often lead to shame. This environment breeds people-pleasers who feel guilty for thinking differently, especially when seeking autonomy or independence. I remember fearing that defying these rules and following my own heart would lead to my demise. Looking back, what I truly desired was my independence to think and make decisions. Which was far from sinful.

People-pleasing (fawning) became a means of survival. Non-compliance led to expulsion from the group. Your nervous system is solely focused on pleasing others. Deep down, I always feared abandonment, leading me to do anything to avoid reopening that wound, even if it meant abandoning myself. This kind of wound makes you crave love from people who don’t know how to love themselves, chase after those who make you earn it, and push away those who offer genuine authentic love. Ultimately, you learn that love is highly conditional.

As I have matured into adulthood, I have noticed that some of the patterns I disliked growing up pop up within me. I did not like seeing these things in myself. This awareness has prompted me to work on my relationship with God, myself, and especially my husband and children.

Even receiving genuine love has been challenging for me. I recall my husband hugging me and saying, “accept my love.” It was as if I didn’t know how to accept it. I felt I was giving love through actions and tasks, but now I am learning what authentic love truly means. This understanding extends to my relationship with God, self-care, and genuinely loving my family and friends. How freeing and so exciting! My husband has helped me greatly on this journey.

I still tend to overthink, wondering if I said or did the right things, but I am becoming better at accepting myself even if I didn’t. The love that God is showing me, and the ability to both receive and give it, is incredibly abundant. It’s astonishing how much you notice when you ask God for help. He opens your eyes to so much!

I firmly believe that God is our ultimate transformer, the Holy Spirit our perfect counselor, and Jesus our model of unconditional love. If they can assist me, they can assist anyone! 😊 I am immensely thankful for their guidance in teaching me how to give and receive love. It is the most important gift I wish to give those closest to me.

sothankful ❤️🥰🙏 #LoveGod #LoveOthers

1 John 4

God Is Love

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. & Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.