What motivates you?

Writing in a public forum often feels like stepping into a bright spotlight, revealing the stains, wrinkles, and dog hairs on my clothes. With a flutter of anxiety, I hope no one notices as I cross the line onto the life stage to begin my performance. It’s a delicate dance of vulnerability, where I grapple with the urge to express my truth while safeguarding my family’s privacy.

Much like the varied tempos of life itself, my existence resembles a series of dances—from lighthearted melodies to rhythmic beats that inspire movement, from slow, romantic ballads to heart-wrenching tunes. The needle of the record player glides over each note with moments of joy, sadness, love, anger, motivation, and inspiration, juxtaposed with the profound challenges that unexpectedly arise. Together, these experiences write the perfect song that encapsulates the essence of life.

When I reflect on my own journey, I recognize that everyone writes their own lyrics, their own sentences. Some days are punctuated by happiness and contentment, while others leave behind tiny wounds with explanation points, question marks or ellipses. And often, the most memorable punctuations in life are the wounds—those little marks that linger, like dents on our brains from a stroke in time, etching themselves into our very being.

Our bodies are also etched with joyful surprises giving us a reprieve from the thoughts that linger in our heads. According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, various life events—from loss and career changes to marriage and retirement—can weigh heavily on our hearts and mind. It serves as a reminder of how deeply our bodies record our life experiences as we navigate through time.

As humans, we are united by shared life sentences, writing the narrative of our existence, each ending with different punctuation marks, yet the meaning and emotions resonate the same. If we could peek into each other’s homes for a minute, we would find reassurance in the countless times our minds whisper, “Me too.” We are more alike than we often realize. This shared humanity is reflected in our everyday rituals, where smiles, tears, laughter and hugs, and everything in between intertwine like music notes woven together to create the perfect song.

As I share my life experiences, I find it easier to articulate the challenges, but I am equally committed to highlighting the joyful moments, too. On a regular basis, you might find me cooking in the kitchen, music turned up loud as I sing along to Tyler Childers or Bruno Mars, the melodies echoing off the walls. Depending on my mood, I might dance to Bruno’s uplifting beats or lose myself in the heartfelt, soulful lyrics of Tyler. These moments of singing and dancing become signals of happiness in our home, a way to express emotions through voices much more talented than my own, yet just as emotionally resonant.

I often create silly songs for my husband and kids, celebrating their brilliance and cuteness with lyrics like, “Christian is the cutest boy in the universe!” My son, doesn’t always share my enthusiasm for these spontaneous serenades. “Mom, stop!” he protests, even as I shower him with affection. These moments of music are the lifeblood of our family, vibrant expressions of jubilate bursts of love. After all, my family is my greatest source of motivation for healing, a constant reminder of my resolve to break the cycles of pain that have echoed through our family for generations.

At this stage of my life, I embrace emotional independence. I am learning to let go—to understand that I am not responsible for my entire family’s healing journey. As the oldest of 7, I have often taken on a parent role that has given me a sense of pride and fulfillment, yet now, I realize how much this pattern has also taken away from my own sense of self. This journey involves recognizing that while I can share my love and support, each person must tread their own path. By releasing the urge to “fix” everyone and everything, I find freedom in my own expression and a deeper understanding of the shared struggles and joys that connect us all.

Maybe the only person I need to be concerned about “fixing” is myself?

Reflecting on these cycles leads me to the concept of “generational trauma,” a term that has gained traction in recent years. I am determined not to pass down the veins of trauma that have woven themselves through our family for too long. I hold immense gratitude for the prayers of the women in my genealogy, believing that their prayers have blessed us with protection and divine healing today.

My mother, an incredible writer, taught me the gift of processing emotions through words, and I find solace in writing as I navigate my own feelings. Each sentence I craft feels like an act of truth, a step toward revealing a more authentic self.

As Ernest Hemingway wisely stated, “All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” This settles deeply within me; for years, I felt lost, caught in a cycle of performing and people-pleasing. Now, I yearn to be the truest version of myself. I believe that this motivation to heal to be the truest version of myself is the greatest act of love that I can give my children and children thereafter.  

That is my motivation and the symphony I am composing today—a harmonious arrangement of musical notes placed in just the right places by uncontrolled flow, heartfelt emotion and more importantly, Love. Destined to create a joyful orchestra that will echo through generations to come.

An Explanation of Generational Trauma

Generational trauma refers to the psychological and emotional wounds that are passed down from one generation to the next, often resulting from significant and prolonged stress or trauma experienced by those before us. These traumatic experiences range from financial stress, facing a significant life transition, navigating difficult relationships to more severe marks on the brain such as war, violence, oppression, or severe family dysfunction. These marks on the brain can have lasting effects on the individuals experiencing the trauma and on how subsequent generations perceive and respond to the world around them.

The transmission of this trauma isn’t just through stories or learned behaviors but can also manifest biologically, affecting stress responses, mental health, and even physical health in descendants. Those affected might struggle with anxiety, depression, or a sense of instability without necessarily knowing the source of these feelings, as the original trauma occurred in a time before their birth.

Breaking the cycle of generational trauma often involves recognizing and addressing these deep-rooted issues through support groups, therapy, open dialogue, and conscious efforts to create healthier environments for future generations. This process can help to heal the wounds of the past and prevent them from continuing to influence the lives of those who come after.

Healing Generational Trauma from a Christian Perspective

From a Christian perspective, healing generational trauma involves both spiritual and practical steps rooted in faith, forgiveness, and a commitment to breaking harmful cycles. The Scriptures teach that while the sins and wounds of the past can affect future generations, God’s love and grace offer a powerful path to healing and renewal.

Luke 5:37-38 And no man put new wine skin into old wine-skins; else the new wine will burst the skins, and itself will be spilled, and the skins will perish. 38 But new wine must be put into fresh wine-skins.

One key element in this process is forgiveness. Jesus emphasized the importance of forgiving others, even when the hurt runs deep (Matthew 18:21-22). Forgiving those who have caused pain, whether they are living or have passed, can be a transformative act that releases both the victim and the perpetrator from the bondage of the past. It’s not about excusing wrongs but about choosing to let go of bitterness and entrusting justice to God.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV): 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Radical indeed.

Prayer and seeking God’s guidance are essential. How else are we to go beyond human desires to achieve something that seems impossible at times?

Jesus followers believe that God is a healer who can mend even the deepest wounds (Psalm 147:3). By bringing generational trauma to God in prayer and fasting, individuals can ask for His intervention, wisdom, and strength to break the cycle. This might involve seeking the Holy Spirit’s help in identifying and confronting patterns of sin or dysfunction that have been passed down.

Engaging in community is another important step. The church can provide a supportive environment where individuals can share their struggles, receive counsel, and find accountability. Through fellowship, Jesus followers can encourage one another in the journey toward healing, offering hope and support as they work through the challenges.

Finally, embracing a new identity in Christ is crucial. The Scriptures teach that anyone in Christ is a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), meaning the past no longer defines them. By embracing this truth, Jesus followers can begin to see themselves not as victims of their history but as beloved children of God, empowered to live in freedom and peace. Healing generational trauma from a Christian perspective is ultimately about allowing God’s redemptive power to transform pain into a testimony of His grace and goodness.

#Godspeed #HolySpiritGuidance #JesusLove

Have Faith. Work Hard. Never Give Up.